Thursday I was forced to reflect on and face my #1 fear. Growing up I only ever experienced one fear. Unlike most children (and adults for that matter), I never feared dogs or spiders or snakes or the dark. At the time I thought it such an irrational fear that I would try to convince myself that I was overreacting but now I realize it was a much more valid fear than my grown-up fear.
My grandfather's care fell to my father and his 3 sisters. I will never understand why they did not turn his care over to a resident facility but they took on the responsibility of medications and meals going through nurse after nurse. Each sibling was assigned a night the rotation to provide dinner and company. My brother and I were there often and upon arrival my dad would sit down to count pills and we were sent to wake up Papa. I was terrified that when we went to wake him up that we would find he had died in his sleep. Before turning the corner I would talk myself into pushing my fear down deep.
February brings the 10th anniversary of his passing and I can't help but think about the impact he had on our lives. That day my childhood fear slipped away, fortunately never having been realized. It was, however, replaced with a different fear.